Friday, July 28, 2006


Thanks for all the kind thoughts, people. Y'all are great! First, I have to share that I was one of the winners of Manic Mommy's candy giveaway!! I'll have to share my Milky Way Midnight with KEP since she's the one who gave me the tip. So cool!

I went to the doctor yesterday. I totally love her. She was(is) Ryan's doctor and he suggested I go to her the last time I was really depressed. Five years later, she's been there for everything. I really trust her so when she said it's time to see a psychiatrist, I'm okay with that. In the meantime, she increased the dosage on one of my anti-depressants. Yes, I take TWO different ones. So, I filled the prescription at Target and went shopping for my friend Anne Marie's baby shower tomorrow. Yay!

As is often the case, increasing the dosage of this medication is taking some adjusting. I feel whipped physically and kind of out of it. My spatial skills and reflexes are toast. I keep dropping things and looking at them like, oh, that just dropped. It could be worse, so I'm not really complaining.

Today I went to the Social Security office and only had to spend an hour there! First you check in, have your bag searched, and get a number. Then you go and sit in the big area of chairs. Then the guard calls a few numbers and has them stand in line for whichever windows are open at that time. Kind of mystifying as to why six people have to be standing when there are perfectly good chairs. Plus, I wouldn't have had to spend as much time behind the young woman and her mother who were fighing and the girl kept smacking the counter with her beringed fingers. Once I got to the window it only took about ten minutes and luckily the guy didn't ask me too many questions since my brain seems to be working okay, but motor skills, including speech, are not working so well. But my name is changed. I came home and told Ryan to just call me Wallis.

Oh, did I mention that when I was leaving the house I ran into it. Just a tiny bit, but enough to see. No damage to my car. Incidentally, this is not the first little hickey the house has gotten. Before we moved in. Of course, it's fixable when your house is made out of glavanized steel.

When I got home I decided that I needed to call and see if I could make an appointment with the shrink. My dr. gave me the names of two people she thought would be on my health plan. Having previous experience with the joys of mental health insurance coverage, I parked myself on the bed with my laptop and phone. First, I called the # for mental health services. I got through pretty fast to an actual human who confirmed my identity and then checked to confirm that the drs. were on my plan. Then he told me what is covered and what I need to do. But he was unclear on one point and said I had to call the main benefits number to ask them.

The main benefits numbers is one of those awful automated things where you have to say your answers. I was slurring for pete's sake, so I had to repeat a few things. I was tempted to just start swearing at it in an attempt to just get through to a live human since I had an actual question other than basic info I could look up on the internet. Finally, I got through and got my question answered after trying to explain some things to the person. Basically, there's a difference between a visit for therapy and a visit for just medication maintenance. So...

I called the number I had for the dr. and turns out it was at the local children's mental health center. It's a huge facility, so that could make sense. I tried to punch in the dr's name, but it wouldn't let me and I couldn't get out of that, so I hung up. I called back and asked for her office. That person couldn't tell me since the dr. is new there, apparently. The second person I spoke with put me straight through and I realized she had given me her direct number. Doh! She was very nice about it and gave me the extension number for the front desk. So... I called back and finally got through to the desk and they asked me how old the child is. Uh, I'm not a child. So she said I needed to call the dr's private practice office. Argh!

So I was actually able to find the regular office number and called them and asked if I could make an appointment. The first new patient appt. is at the end of September and the other dr's first one was in the middle of October, so I decided to go with the first one. Then, I had to answer a bunch of questions about my previous mental health issues, medications, when I went to a shrink before and why I quit. That's a fun question to answer. Nothing horrible or Lifetime Movie-ish happened, I just spent thousands of dollars on therapy, drugs, blood tests, etc. and then almost 2 years into it the dr. was like, oh, that's not what you have. So maybe that's why the drugs were not working and in fact were making things worse?!? Although the therapy wasn't a complete waste of time. I was in my early-mid 20's and a huge mess.

Anyway, the dr. is supposed to look over the info I gave and call on Monday to make an appt. Hopefully that will go well. I don't really mind waiting that long since I already have an appt. to see my regular dr. in 6 weeks to make sure the new combination of meds is helping. I guess I would just like to have someone I respect and trust tell me what exactly is wrong with me and what I should be doing to take care of myself.

Ryan has started back up with his marathon training and he will be running tomorrow, so we're already snuggled up in bed. Yes, my computer is with us. He's watching the local news. A potential tropical disturbance headed our way, but not for a while. I don't mind too much since we're all ready with all our provisions. I put all the stuff in the closet under the stairs so we don't nibble on all the supplies and then realize we're all out when we need them. :)

So, that's my exciting life. I do feel a lot better, even if I feel weird. I think I only cried three times today, which is a huge improvement. I also majorly cleaned up the guest room and made the bed since my mom is coming to visit soon. After I go visit Tim, Julie, & Stella!

1 comment:

Julie said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. I know from working at a psychologist's office that mostly had HMO patients that people seeking mental health services have to jump through even more hoops than someone who wants a physical. And many of these people are barely functioning at the point they work up the courage to call me. And I have to tell them, "sorry you need a referral from your primary care physician", which many of them don't even have! And I also had to ask them very personal questions about their situation. I had absolutely no training, either. It's disgusting how we treat mental health in this country.
Okay, I'm off my high horse. I hope that your medicine works quickly and gives you a speedy recovery! I'm sure some Stella love will at least help temporarily:)