Monday, November 06, 2006

The Gum Wars, or What Goes Around Comes Around

First, there was my algebra II teacher in 10th grade. She was a biology teacher who taught a class or two of math, so she had those lab benches and a science teacher's rule about eating and gum. I had her class right after lunch and I was deathly afraid of bad breath. At least that's what I told myself and my teacher. She was constantly yelling at me to get rid of it, and in my defense I did and I did not claim to not have any after chomping on it in front of her face. And speaking of, she put me in the front of the room for talking pretty early on and I never got out of that seat. I was next to someone even more chatty than me so it didn't really discourage me. I do think I learned some math that year. Maybe. Maybe that's why pre-cal was harder than calculus in college. Hmmm...

So, I mentioned that I have a class full of gum chewers. It's my special class. Not the brightest bulbs. A few New Orleans kids who are actually really hard workers and sweet, but loud and mouthy. For the first few weeks we were at war, but they seem to have accepted that I'm a bitch, but I would lay down in traffic for them. And I push them because I want them to succeed in college and I've told them that. And they're the sort who don't want to pass. They want A's. And they'll actually work. But, for my favorite students... the ones who will be taking the class again next semester because they probably won't pass the test (for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th... time) because they refuse to work...

If they can make it to class on time and actually sit still long enough to do anything, even a game... These are the ones who threw papers I gave them to work on... onto the floor. These are junior or seniors or even should be freshmen (or sophomores) in college... They whine and complain about every single little thing. They hate doing worksheets, but they hate playing games as well. Go figure. They do seem to like the cheesy videos I found on drug use. Like Why Marijuana Will Screw Up Your Life. Today while they were working on problems and I was sitting in the desk next to Projectile Paul, keeping an eye on him and making him do his work, we watched another one on steroids. I'm so suprised that the atheletes were interested in their nards shrinking.

Anyway, in their ongoing scheme to make me insane the class period before lunch when my blood sugar is lowest, they chew gum. Loudly. I mentioned that it sounds like bacon frying. That's too kind. It's closer to actual cows with loud, wet smacking and all kinds of other disgusting noises. And they'll be making all this noise and moving their mouths around more than you thought was possible and their response to spit out your gum is "I don't have any." As much as I hate the phrase "My bad," lying to me makes me insane.

So, I was at Target the other day and bought all kinds of bubble gum. Partially, because I'm still 15 and I love me some chicle. But mostly because I want to gross them out. Nothing is yuckier than a teacher trying to be "cool" and "hip." So today I was chewing gum when they came in. I told a kid to spit out his gum and one girl said, "gbiauwrheirghslrghliurg." Whaaa?? She repeated, "what about your gum?" I said, "I don't have any gum." She was like, "you do have gum and... oh..." and she started laughing. At me and at the gum chewers. Haha!

So, tomorrow we're going to do a lab about speed using gum. I told Danielle I don't have to buy much for that class since they should be able to provide their own... And when they're done with it, they can all scrape gum off the undersides on the desks and seats and carpeting...

1 comment:

Ann Marie said...

Haha, I was telling my parents this story tonight... my parents were pretty strict with language at home, and when I was young, "shut up" was not an appropriate thing to say. There was a trouble-maker boy who sat at my table in 1st grade, and he told the girl next to him to shut up. I got up and told the teacher that he said the "SH-" word. haha, "shut up" was the only "sh-" word I knew at the time! I think he got in trouble.

Not really related to your post, but I'm just so excited to have the address to your blog again I can't help myself.