Monday, April 09, 2007

Playing hooky today

Okay, so it's not technically hooky since I called in and said exactly why I wasn't coming in. As in, I am not sick, just tired. We sang six times this weekend, if you count the 2-3 hour rehearsal on Saturday, and I do. It wasn't a real school day since the kids were off and I just couldn't bear the thought of sitting through whatever professional development torture they had lined up. Plus, I really needed one day to sleep in and rest. Starting tomorrow it's the last 5 days before the TAKS tests and I'm not about to miss any of that. There's a certain part of me that thinks it's too late to do much of use other than just cramming, for what that's worth, but that doesn't mean I won't try.
I slept in this morning, cleaned up dog puke (thanks to her Easter lamb shank), ran some errands, and went back to the psychiatrist. She's happy with how things are progressing and wants to see me in 2 months to see how I am. I am much better, but still struggling.
First, I am dealing with the adjustment period side effects, which are pretty mild in comparison to some other things I've taken. Mostly, I suppose because it's not a new medication, just more. I am still dizzy and a little bit foggy in my thinking, although that comes and goes. I feel (extra) clumsy and uncoordinated. Partially because of this and partially because it saves gas, Ryan is still driving me to work.

Second, I am still just plain depressed. It's low level and otherwise I feel good, but I can tell that I'm just not right. I have enough energy for work and that, but when I think about going to choir practice or calling someone, I want to lie down on the floor and cry. It is much better than it's been, but I'm still not happy. It's hard to maintain relationships if you don't have the energy to keep up with things. Oh--and I haven't even had the energy to email people. And you may have noticed my lack of posts here. Or maybe not, but it's an indicator.

Boy, is this a happy little post. I did talk with the psychiatrist about our Maybe Baby and drugs. As just about everyone has said so far, she thinks that with my history, it's much more risky to go without medication than to take it. There are certain drugs that have been tested and used over long periods of time. The thought still scares me, but if the only choice was no drugs, we'd just have to go without a baby (or adopt). Sometimes I still wish that I didn't have to deal with all this, but then I think about how stupid and whiny that is.
Here's something silly: Ryan is upstairs in the DJ booth on a conference call that's on speaker so I can totally hear everything (although I'm tuning it out). He just emailed me. And he keeps changing the channel on the TV down here.

1 comment:

Kelli in the Mirror said...

So nice to have an extra day to rest. Guaranteed you didn't miss anything important at the staff meeting. :)