Monday, October 01, 2007

Hang up and ___________________!

First, let me say that I have a really mean case of PMS. Pretty Mean S*&%.

Some random comments/"questions" about cell phones:

1. They're a super convenient way to talk to people. However, they don't work like that tin-cans-attached-with-string contraption that you used as a kid. You DON'T have to shout. The thing will still work if you talk at a normal volume. I figure that's why people really have a problem with listening to other people's cell phone conversations. People don't bitch so much about people shopping together and talking to each other.

2. Who in the heck are you talking to when you're in your car at 6:30AM?!? And what in heaven's name could you be saying to the poor sod who you woke out of a sound slumber? Even if the person on the other end is awake, chances are they haven't yet had their morning coffee and you'd have a much more productive call a little later in the morning.

3. Which month is Cell-Phone Paralysis Awareness Month? Do you know what I'm talking about? I know you've seen it. The sufferer is holding the cell phone in their left hand (usually while driving since it tends to strike most in cars) and their entire left side is paralyzed. If they are unlucky enough to come to a four-way stop, beware. They will be completely unable to even move their left eye to the side. Turn their neck to the left while still holding the phone? Sadly, impossible.

4. Apparently, if you come to a four-way stop, lately I've noticed that anyone on a cell phone thinks it's their turn. It doesn't matter is there's anyone else in the other lanes to your left, or more importantly, to your right. It is your turn. You don't even need to stop.

5. Rule of thumb: if what you're doing causes you to be out of breath, no one wants to talk to you on the phone. Wait until you're done. I disagree with the reasoning behind this rant about runners who chat on the phone, although I think it's interesting. I just figure they're bored and need to be "doing" something. But what is up with people who answer the phone during sex? Iwww! Not to mention what their partner must be thinking. Um, hon, not to be a demanding lover, but could you please HANG UP THE PHONE?!?

6. Turn off the ringer on your phone in church, at plays, concerts, or other cultural events, at school, and for the love of all that is good and holy, if you forget to turn it off and it rings, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT ANSWER IT. I wish I was just overreacting, but people do this. If it's such an important call, step outside and take it. And once it rings and you realize that the ringer is on, TURN IT OFF. I've heard the same person's phone ring about three times right in a row on Sunday morning. Oh, and if you think I don't appreciate calls on most mornings, guess how I feel about calls on Sunday morning.

7. Remember how much trouble you had passing the parallel parking portion of your driver's test? I even FAILED the entire test because the guy said I refused to do it. Another story for another day, but think about the disaster that would have occurred if you'd tried to do it while on a cell phone. Maybe some of you are young enough to not laugh at that mental image, but I digress. Parking and talking on a cell phone don't mix. Maybe if it's a hands-free thingy and you can concentrate, but really, why do people try to park with one hand? Are they simultaneously trying to diffuse a hostage situation and under no circumstances can they just tell the person on the other end to hang on? And, if you want to back in or out of a space while talking on the phone, can you just please wait until I'm not anywhere nearby? I'm having enough trouble parking with the use of both of my hands.

Maybe I'm just bitter because I'm too anti-social to ever answer my phone so most people have stopped calling me. I'm trying to get over it. I'm also branching out into the brand-new world of IM. That way I can type and those awkward lulls in conversation make me less nervous.

Lalala. I don't know if its an entirely good thing that I am not drinking tonight.


jUnEbUg said...

Maybe a nice bottle of chardonnay. Or some sangria.

Yep, sangria should do the trick!

Julie said...

Amen, sister! Almost every time someone is doing something crazy on the road and cuts me off, or suddenly careens over two lanes from the far left to the exit, I look and they are on a cell phone. Honestly, I'd rather take my chances with a drunk driver than a cell phone driver. At least they give you some warning by weaving. I think we should outlaw cell phone use in cars, period. But the next best thing might be having flashing lights attached to cars of morons who talk while driving and they could light up when they take a call and say "I'm a Moron!"

Oh, and the most annoying thing about people talking on their cell phones in public besides the volume? The intimacy of what they discuss. AND the fact you only hear one side of the conversation!

shoeaddict said...

I had a friend who insisted on answering the phone while having sex. Drove me crazy...