First, he and I get into an argument about which packaging of Mitchum is "for chicks." Apparently, I haven't looked at them in a while and one that I definitely swore from a distance was not, was "for chicks." Some middle-aged guy standing near us started laughing and said something about how it's kind of hard to tell--they're in the center in the grey zone of unisex/alternative/relics sections (uh huh, Ban roll-on). And then Ryan and I both started laughing...
I wandered into the definitely-for-chicks section and noticed that they had a new clinical strength Secret--Sport! Now, can I tell you that I am a hot and sweaty kind of person and I use the strong kind (the jury's out on the "clinical" stuff--I don't like that you're supposed to put it on the night before and showering doesn't get it off--that scares me a little). I do not, however, think that there is a deodorant that I can put on that will make me smell sweet and fresh after a hard workout. That's what the shower afterward is for.
And don't get me started on the point of an anti-perspirant. Example: I go running on a Saturday morning in June in Houston. It's hot, it's humid. If my body is working correctly, it cools itself. Perspiration. I'm not getting my prom dress wet here, I am wearing dri-fit clothes and I look like crap, so there's no point in fighting it. I have a cloth to wipe the rivers of sweat off my face and it runs down my arms and off my elbows and... (sexy, no?) So, anti-perspirant in my armpits doesn't really have a chance. And even if it did, it's like turning off the air conditioner when it's 100° outside because it makes noise.
So... I go check out the new product and not only is for Sport!, the fragrance name is... wait for it...
Seriously? Have you ever stood within 100ft of someone who is in the process of running or has just run a marathon? They do not smell sweaty and maybe musky in that kind of hot way. They smell like FEET and ROTTEN BOLOGNA and DEATH. You hug them because you hug people who run 26.2 miles and really are you going to complain about how it pains you to someone whose toenails have fallen off and has bloody nipples so bad that their shirt looks like they were stabbed? No, you do not.
So, yes, marathon fresh! Go for it! Buy it! Put it on! Knock yourself out!
I think I'll go find some roadkill and rub it all over me. I'll still smell better than you.
And just so you know, this has provided Ryan and I with hours of entertainment. In Target we were laughing so hard we were crying and wheezing and generally making a scene. Now, we can just look at each other and say seriously, "marathon fresh" and start a whole new episode of hysterical laughter. Because, really? That is funny.