Sunday, June 22, 2008

Fresh as a garden ____________.

Ryan and I went to Target yesterday in his continuing quest for an unscented deodorant that doesn't just stick to his armpit hair. And actually works. Of course, the one that he liked has been discontinued.

First, he and I get into an argument about which packaging of Mitchum is "for chicks." Apparently, I haven't looked at them in a while and one that I definitely swore from a distance was not, was "for chicks." Some middle-aged guy standing near us started laughing and said something about how it's kind of hard to tell--they're in the center in the grey zone of unisex/alternative/relics sections (uh huh, Ban roll-on). And then Ryan and I both started laughing...

I wandered into the definitely-for-chicks section and noticed that they had a new clinical strength Secret--Sport! Now, can I tell you that I am a hot and sweaty kind of person and I use the strong kind (the jury's out on the "clinical" stuff--I don't like that you're supposed to put it on the night before and showering doesn't get it off--that scares me a little). I do not, however, think that there is a deodorant that I can put on that will make me smell sweet and fresh after a hard workout. That's what the shower afterward is for.

And don't get me started on the point of an anti-perspirant. Example: I go running on a Saturday morning in June in Houston. It's hot, it's humid. If my body is working correctly, it cools itself. Perspiration. I'm not getting my prom dress wet here, I am wearing dri-fit clothes and I look like crap, so there's no point in fighting it. I have a cloth to wipe the rivers of sweat off my face and it runs down my arms and off my elbows and... (sexy, no?) So, anti-perspirant in my armpits doesn't really have a chance. And even if it did, it's like turning off the air conditioner when it's 100° outside because it makes noise.

So... I go check out the new product and not only is for Sport!, the fragrance name is... wait for it...


Seriously? Have you ever stood within 100ft of someone who is in the process of running or has just run a marathon? They do not smell sweaty and maybe musky in that kind of hot way. They smell like FEET and ROTTEN BOLOGNA and DEATH. You hug them because you hug people who run 26.2 miles and really are you going to complain about how it pains you to someone whose toenails have fallen off and has bloody nipples so bad that their shirt looks like they were stabbed? No, you do not.

So, yes, marathon fresh! Go for it! Buy it! Put it on! Knock yourself out!

I think I'll go find some roadkill and rub it all over me. I'll still smell better than you.

And just so you know, this has provided Ryan and I with hours of entertainment. In Target we were laughing so hard we were crying and wheezing and generally making a scene. Now, we can just look at each other and say seriously, "marathon fresh" and start a whole new episode of hysterical laughter. Because, really? That is funny.


shoeaddict said...

I think that all of the deoderants smell ridiculously strong. Marathon Fresh is really silly. Did you try to smell it?

KatieBug said...

Marathons make your toenails fall off and your nipples bleed?! Remind me never to run. :)

Kate said...

Shoeaddict--I didn't. I suppose I was too busy laughing or I was intimidated by the fact that it's in a box. Normally, I whip off those lids and sniff away. Most of them are too strong for me, also.

KatieBug--it can happen, but neither Ryan nor I have experienced anything like that. Running that distance/time can be really hard on your body, especially if you don't have the right equipment. (good shoes, socks, etc.) Bleeding nipples can happen to men because of all the rubbing. Possible solutions are band-aids or tape on them, BodyGlide (lube), different fabric shirts that don't rub as much. Ryan doesn't have a problem with it because of his shirts and BodyGlide. That stuff is also good for bra chafing and supposedly for ankles and feet.

Still, I can see that it's not so appealing. And why I only want to run half-marathons. =)

K in the Mirror said...

That's just crazy. And bloody nipples? Ouch! I've heard of toenails falling off, but never that.

I also like the deodorants that try to make you smell like food- vanilla chai and such. So silly and don't so much stop the sweating as they make you hungry every time you turn around and get a whiff of cake.

Loni said...

Those kind of Target moments and private jokes are my favorite things about being married.

I have heard that even regular D/AP's work better if you put them on the night before. It doesn't really make sense if you are going to shower in the morning. If you do shower in the morning, make sure you are all dry before applying. That's supposed to make it work better and keep it from staining your clothes. Oh the gobs of useless knowledge I have!

bloody nipples...ouch!!!

K in M - you crack me up! :)

Zolafan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zolafan said...

Speed Stick, baby!

As you know, Kate, I chose to learn by experience (read, by making dumb mistakes) while training for my first marathon in '94. The bloody nipple thing I learned in the First Colony 30K. It didn't hurt, never even knew I had two big bloody spots on my t-shirt until after the race. I've just used Vaseline since. You forgot the possibility of chapped thighs, another good use for Vaseline.

Then going into race day, just forgot about checking the night before that my toenails weren't too long. I think both big toenails turned purple, but only one of them fell off.

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes, bloody nipples do happen. If Honey goes on runs longer than 5 miles it can happen to him. His favorite solution has been Liquid Band-Aid as a barrier.

And I know what he smells like after those runs so Marathon Fresh seems a bit oxymoronic to me! The person in marketing that came up with that name may be a little sorry when bonus time rolls around at the Secret corporation.